


Unfulfilled

by Szilvia (Eyrine)



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Memories, Open to Interpretation, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 01:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20462981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyrine/pseuds/Szilvia
Summary: The fairytale ending of his dreams had shattered into a thousand pieces. No amount of wishing could ever undo that.





	Unfulfilled

It was mid-autumn. The city streets were colored red and orange by a layer of leaves, flattened onto the asphalt by the tires of passing cars. The warm colors brightened up the dull, gray ground, but high up above, dark clouds drifted forth. Heavy droplets fell from the sky and splashed against the pavement. Those who dared to go out were well-equipped with umbrellas, though the strong wind swept under them violently, tearing them out of people's grasps. Curse words and panicked yelps came from all around as several umbrellas flew high up in the air.

Amidst the chaos, one person remained unfazed. He did not have an umbrella and he did not need one. He walked through the rain like he did not even feel the cold water on his neck. He was there out of free will, unlike the others. Thirteen minutes out in that dreary weather and yet there was not even the slightest compulsion to go home. There was nothing for him there, only the silence of an empty house.

He tried to kick up a leaf from the pavement, but it was stuck on the paving slabs. Everything was soaked. His hair kept getting in his eyes as it was weighed down by the water and pushing it out of face had little effect, so he did not bother with it. He just peered through his bangs to watch where he was going.

Two teenage girls in school uniforms ran ahead of him, seeking shelter for the rain. One of them pointed at a small shop to their left and called her friend before they both rushed to the door. They yanked it open and entered in a hurry. The door closed behind them with a loud thud.

The shop was a little further ahead. He counted his steps while he got closer.

_Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine. Thirty. Thirty-one._

At the thirty-second step, he stopped and turned towards the shop window. On the inside, the shop looked rather small, and the cute trinkets on display made it seem like they were selling all kinds of gifts. Something about the place was all too familiar.

Then he remembered. This was the store where they sold that fountain pen; the one he wanted to get Akihiko for Christmas. They almost got in a fight that day, because he had been working his ass off at the café while Akihiko was waiting for him. But Akihiko had been forgiving- and kind, as he usually was- when Misaki told him about the present. After that they had made love in their bed, warm and domesticated.

Back then, it was snowing outside. Misaki had watched it for a little while until Akihiko said something embarrassing to him, like he did every time. He would always say such things with the same straight face. Misaki still did not understand how. All he knew was that whenever they did it, Akihiko only had eyes for him. Even that time, he had not even looked out of the window once. Nothing in the world mattered more to him than Misaki.

Such wonderful memories, yet they failed to bring a smile to Misaki's face. The time he'd spent with Akihiko was in the past, where it would remain. There was no future for them together.

He sighed, looking at his reflection in the window. He looked miserable. Behind his dark bangs was no cheerful expression like there used to be. There were no apparent emotions visible in his eyes at all. They were empty, devoid of anything, even anger or sorrow. His skin was paler than it had ever been. He had never looked that bad before, even when he was sick.

He looked like a walking corpse. He felt like a walking corpse.

Every day was the same for him: wake up, go to work, go home, do some chores and go to bed. Whatever else happened was insignificant, even things there were supposed to be special. He just could not care about them anymore.

All that negativity, all because he lost someone he cared about. Someone he _loved_.

Misaki always thought that after losing his parents, it would not be as painful to lose someone outside his immediate family. Saying goodbye to the people you have been with since the moment you were born- there could not be anything more difficult than that. As long as he had Takahiro by his side, there would be nothing he could not handle. With his brother close to him, he felt invulnerable.

But things change. Feelings change. They are much like the seasons: some warm and vivid, others cold and dreary.

In the beginning, he disliked like Akihiko for a number of reasons. Aside from the man's high and mighty attitude, childish demeanor and lack of respect, he was always clinging to his brother when he got the chance. Misaki often wondered how sincere his friendship with Takahiro was. It was the first time he felt protective of him. For a long time, his feelings for Akihiko were like winter: frigid, and sometimes fierce.

Funny how winter was the season in which he started to warm up to Akihiko. It was during the coldest days of that year too. In a span of a few months, the person he hated the most had become his first love. He didn't accept it immediately, but it was clear as day that his icy feelings had melted. Winter had made place for the coming of spring, the season of new beginnings. A new chapter in his life had begun.

Likewise, parting ways with Akihiko and moving on on his own was supposed to be a new beginning, but it only felt like an ending. Instead of blooming emotions, there were only dark clouds in his heart. There was no downpour like the one he was standing in. There was nothing.

_Pathetic..._

Misaki looked away from his reflection and carried on. The sky had turned darker. The wind got stronger and the rain got heavier. An autumn storm was on its way. People started to put away their umbrellas as it had become impossible to keep one up safely. The street filled with the sound of loud thumping. While others ran to the nearest store they could find, looking for a place to stay dry until the storm had passed, Misaki moved along unimpeded.

He thought about the weather; how the rain symbolized the tears he wanted to cry, but could not. What he wouldn't give to feel something. Anything. Even feeling the agonizing pain of being alone was better than feeling nothing at all.

None of his co-workers knew about his lack of joy in life. The flawless facade he put on at work fooled everyone into thinking he was the same cheerful, friendly and diligent Misaki he used to be. Just two days ago, someone from his department told him how much she admired his strong work ethic.

The memory made him smile bitterly. Would she still admire him if she knew the truth? Probably not. She would think he was depressed and would tell him to seek professional help. He did not need advice from someone who did not understand his struggle. Therapy was not going to bring Akihiko back to him, and nothing or nobody could replace him. Misaki had already been offered the affections of another man- Kyou called him as soon as he found out- but he had declined. He would only be using him as a substitute to satisfy his selfish needs.

Not that it could satisfy him. The heart is resolute in its decisions; it does not simply change its ways when love is involved.

Misaki sighed as he turned left, straying off-route for a small detour. It became quieter the further he got away from the stores. Only the sound of the rain, the wind and his footsteps remained. He liked it better that way. Noise never really bothered him, but recently he had begun to notice that he preferred the silence. Or rather, he just preferred to be alone.

The cold rainwater running down his hands chilled his skin. He buried his hands in the pockets of his coat so they could warm up a little. There was something in his right pocket: something small, smooth and round. He did not have to take it out to find out what it was. He already knew. It was the marble he'd used on his twenty-second birthday to make his third wish.

Suddenly, he felt the strange need to look at the marble. He stopped and pulled it out of his pocket, holding it above his head. There was just enough light to see the marble's colors. It had looked beautiful when he held it in the moonlight to make the wish, but it was not nearly as impressive with the gray clouds in the background. Quite frankly, it looked dull.

He could not remember when he had put the marble in his coat or why. Maybe he thought that if he carried the marble around with him, his wish would be granted. A fruitless attempt of a desperate soul, but at least it was a sign that he still had faith. Not anymore though. Wishes only come true in books or movies. The fairytale ending of his dreams had shattered into a thousand pieces. No amount of wishing could ever undo that.

Everything was going so well too. After telling the truth about their relationship to Manami, Misaki had finally started to believe that they could stay together. There was still doubt, but with his sister-in-law's approval he felt more confident.

Then one day, it all fell apart.

Misaki could worry about the things he should have done differently to avoid this fate, but what was the point? The past was in the past and there was no way to change it. Rather, he had to learn from his mistakes and keep looking forward, hoping for a brighter future. He put the marble back in his pocket. His right hand was soaked from holding it, but he did not bother trying to warm it up. The weather was only getting worse and worse.

_I should head home. I'm gonna catch a cold if I stay out for too long._

He did not want to go back to his apartment, but he had no choice. If he got pneumonia, his superior would forbid him to come to work until he had recovered. The less time he got to spend at home, the better. It was a strange contradiction to him preferring a quiet environment. Coming home to an empty house was too confrontational.

Nevertheless, Misaki moved along. Walking through the neighborhood at a steady pace, he tried to find the shortest route to his apartment from there. All the while, memories came creeping back into his mind. It was all there, from the moment he fell in love with Akihiko to the day they said goodbye.

The walking turned into running. Water splashed up from puddles he ran through as he crossed the street without looking both ways. The wind grew calmer, but the rain kept on pouring down persistently. Misaki went as fast as he could, recognizing a house with a brightly colored gate in the distance. He was getting closer quickly.

A couple buildings farther was the apartment complex where he lived. It was a small, boring-looking place where only a handful of people lived. He knew all of the other tenants, but rarely ran into them on the way out. It was almost like no one ever left the place besides him. None of them seemed to get many visitors either.

But to his surprise, there was someone standing in front of the building. Misaki slowed down to silence his steps, eyeing the man cautiously. Who else was crazy enough to be out in the rain without an umbrella? And what was he doing there, just staring at the place?

_Wait, that's..._

"Usagi-san?"

The name fell from his lips sooner than he realized. He could not help it. They had not seen each other since the break-up and he was not expecting to run into his ex-boyfriend anywhere. Yet there he was, right outside his apartment.

When their eyes met, Akihiko's were wide with surprise. They both stood still, letting the rain wash all of their thoughts away. They did not speak, but the looks they exchanged said more than words. Misaki saw a ghost of a smile play on Akihiko's lips, a smile that was neither happy nor sad. Nevertheless, his chest tightened the moment he saw it. His cheeks became wet, but not from the rain alone.


End file.
